Interview With A Vampire
Let’s say you see someone you haven’t seen in a while. When they ask you “How are you?” or “What’s happening?” what they really mean is “Tell me about your recent professional accomplishments, so I know you are a good person.” In fact, it’s not a bad idea to assume people want to know even if they don’t ask. You should have, at all times, a two-minute presentation of where you are now, and where you hope to be going in the near future. Give this presentation whenever possible.
For instance, we all want to hear about that poem of yours that might get published in the “Burlington Community College Poetry Review” (formerly “The Burlington Penny Saver”). In fact, we don’t really understand how the whole “poetry game” works, so you should explain it to us, at length. Also, can you read us that poem? All twenty five cantos?
(By the way, make sure you buy Robert Yasumura’s book of poetry, “The Robot Sonnets,” Marquis Vanity Press 2008 – available on Craigslist every Thursday afternoon)
This really brings us to another point: Everyone judges you based on your ability to achieve your dreams – and those had better be some good fucking dreams. Your obsession with wealth and/or fame is really the conversation we want. Healthy family and a prosperous home just won’t do – any asshole can do that (very few assholes can actually do this). Seriously, what’s going on with your acting career? Your sketch show just got “Pick of the Week”? Huzah! Let us bask in your glory! Forget that work you do with autistic kids…Is a producer interested in your screenplay? What’s going on with your interpretive dance troop?
(By the way, if you’re a producer, and looking for a screenplay about the world of interpretive dance, contact Robert Yasumura, and ask about his script “The Brutal Truth: Pilobolus”)
So, thank you – thank you in advance of our next meeting, when you will tell us all about how your Bachman-Turner-Overdrive-cover-band, “Working Overtime” (but do you play some original stuff too? You do!) was playing a gig at “Teasers,” and you met Cuba Gooding, Jr., and he said he had “a great time.”
Stay Strong America, and Await Further Instructions.
